Alright -- I just wanted to see if that headline
looked as confusing as it
sounded.
On the next episode of
Outlook Portland (Sunday at 6:30am, on
NW32 TV), I'll be joined by Cort Webber and Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts; we'll recap the genesis, growth, cancellation, and relaunch of
The Cort & Fatboy Show. We'll also discuss the evolution and future of terrestrial radio, and hear the duo's thoughts on transitioning from over-the-air broadcasting to net-broadcasting. And, because I'm a hopeless nerd for "why I got into radio" stories, Cort will talk about the person who first inspired him to pursue a career on the air.
PLUS: We'll speak with Robert Wagner, whose
PDX.FM -in addition to being the new home of the
The Cort & Fatboy Show- is quickly becoming the preferred destination for many of Portland's talk-radio listeners. We'll hear his thoughts on the state of Portland broadcasting...and find out where he plans to focus PDX.FM's considerable momentum.
Outlook Portland, Sunday at 6:30am, only on
NW32 TV...the home of
Gossip Girl, Melrose, and Rick Emerson.
NEXT WEEK: Bill Oakley, former writer/Executive Producer for The Simpsons
.
IN TWO WEEKS: Dave Dahl, owner of Dave's Killer Bread.
I could try to offer some sort of explanation for how I came to be captured in this pose. In this outfit. Standing in front of what appears to be an Indigo version of the
Matrix.
But...that would rob you of the joy of discovery, and you don't want that,
do you?
Beginning this Sunday at 6:30am on
NW32 TV,
Outlook Portland will start rolling out its new look, so make a special note to get up, stay up, or set your TiVo -- after all, how many chances do you have to see me swaddled in pink and jabbed with needles?
I'll be joined by Eva Darling, an instructor at the
Portland Jazzercise Center:
- Watch! As my snarky skepticism turns to exhausted, sweating shame!
- See! A grown man reduced to near-collapse by a trainer who appears to be barely exerting herself!
- Laugh! As a smug television host struggles for sufficient breath to apologize for his outdated views on Jazzercise!
PLUS: Daniel Carlson of
Green Dragon Acupuncture will pay a visit, and talk about the treatment's growing use among Portlanders. And yes -- I will be perforated by needles. I know what you people want, after all.
So don't miss it --
Outlook Portland, Sunday at 6:30am, only on
NW32 TV...the home of
Gossip Girl, Melrose, and Rick Emerson.
NEXT WEEK: Cort and Fatboy, plus Robert Wagner of PDX.FM.
IN TWO WEEKS: Bill Oakley, former writer/Executive Producer for The Simpsons
.
Once upon a time, I was just a mulleted, spotty teenager with stars in my eyes and metal on the brain. (Some things never change; some things change only slightly.)
Following my own kind of Manifest Destiny, I secured a few radio gigs at any place/format that would have me, and while some of these have been discussed at great length
*cough* Pet Patrol *cough*, others have been overlooked. Such a place was 88.1, the local high school station, which was centered squarely in the middle of the Tri-City Area Vocational Skills Center.
Generally viewed as a place to dump wayward youths who might otherwise be out stripping cars (or merely stripping), the vocational center was a breeding ground for drug deals, knife fights, and bathroom-stall sex. Or so I'm told. For a certain segment of the student population, it was also dismal, irrefutable evidence that the school district viewed you as a lost cause...that you were thought incapable of overcoming your own history. That you would live and die in the same dry, dusty zip code. That you would have more children like yourself.
Every day, teenage mothers and early meth-head prototypes competed for prime space in the smoking sections of the parking lot, and black-trenchcoat types huddled in alcoves, tossing multi-sided dice.
The soundtrack to all of this was 88.1, which, due to its relatively strong signal (and the relative smallness of the town) was well-listened to, especially by people under 25 or so. (In a town with no real rock station, but, instead, a seemingly-endless number of country and oldies signals, any refuge was welcome.)
Working at 88.1, like anywhere in the entertainment industry, big or small, allowed you to re-create your identity, at least for a few hours at a time. And thus, a gangly, bespectacled youth named Richard became...(drumroll, please):
Ed Zeppelin.
Either the worst or best on-air name of all time (I'm still not sure which), Ed Zeppelin was my alter-ego, the one who
didn't spend his days failing math, English, and history, and who
wasn't doomed to spend the rest of his life in a fucking dirt-hill town, wondering where he'd gone wrong.
He also got stuff in the mail.
You see, in the days before the internet, bands had no idea
who was out there, or what audience might exist for their music. So, instead of using MySpace/Facebook/etc., they assembled cover letters and press kits, and sent off demo CDs by the dozens, often using woefully out-of-date address lists, and with only a vague idea of who was receiving their stuff. (Actually, in that way, it was
exactly like the internet.)
Enter a band called Slam Suzanne.
One day, while preparing to play "Wild Side" for the nine-hundredth time (I've never,
ever gotten sick of that song), I answered the request line in the 88.1 studio. "Rockline," I said, irony-free, "Whattya wanna hear?"
"Hey," said a voice, "I'm looking for Ed Zeppelin."
"That's me, dude," I said, full of rock-radio bravado, and trying to keep my voice from cracking.
"Hey, I'm in a band called Slam Suzanne, and I wanted to send you a press kit and a copy of our CD. You're the Music Director, right?"
"Er," I said, eyes glancing around furtively, "Sure. Yeah. Send it on over."
"Thanks, man," he said, and hung up.
Of course, I wasn't anything
close to being the Music Director, but the real MD was off smoking weed in the ladies' bathroom half the time, so what the hell, right? At least I'd listen to it.
Several days later, a large, black envelope arrived. With a return-address sticker that said "Slam Suzanne" in big letters, and with a Groening-esque bunny head for a logo, it looked a little otherworldly.
I ripped it open, and surveyed the enclosed material. Press clippings, stickers, and a picture of the band. The drummer was a cute girl named "Tymber" -- this was definitely a plus.
Also enclosed was a CD, which I gleefully put into the CD player. Free music! What a great scam this was! Radio rules!
The songs that poured out were short, fast, and scary-cool...sort of like The Ramones meets Slayer.
The band was also singing about something mystifying...something called a "double latte." What the hell was that? I didn't know, but it sounded like some incredible, all-powerful
thing. (Which, of course, was not far from the truth.)
A few days later, I snookered the band into doing an on-air interview with me over the phone (my second-ever band interview, the first being *ahem*
Pretty Boy Floyd), and I promised to see them when they passed through town from Seattle. (Seattle! They were big-time rock stars, talking to ME!)
Of course, by the time the show came around, I had fucked up somehow and been forbidden to leave the house. Not quite rock and roll enough to sneak out, I glumly stayed in my room, pondering the debauched fun I was, no doubt, missing. (Later, I heard that the band had asked where "Ed Zeppelin" was. I'm sure they'd had no clue I was a teenager; I wonder what their reactions were upon hearing that Ed was, in fact, grounded.)
Time has passed, life has gone on, and Slam Suzanne seem to have faded away. There's precious little to prove they existed at all, but in my Big Box of Radio Stuff, I still have a dusty, crackling, black envelope...with a return address that promised excitement, and a band picture featuring a drummer who still seems unbelievably hot.
Slam Suzanne, here's to you...wherever you are.
Fondly,
Ed
Click here to listen to Slam Suzanne's "Double Latte."
You don't want to miss this Sunday's installment of
Outlook Portland (Sunday at 6:30am, on
NW32 TV).
I'll be joined by our good friends
Sarah X. Dylan and
Greg Nibler, who, since departing from KUFO, have created a whole new genre of entertainment. Their daily netcast,
Funemployment Radio, has already gained legions of devoted fans, and this Sunday, we'll talk about their show, the future, and how unemployment might be one of the best things that ever happened to them. They'll also have suggestions and advice for other folks who are looking down the barrel of a pink slip.
PLUS, at one point, I'll hold up a painting of two adorable dogs. Seriously.
It's also your last chance to view
Outlook Portland's original set design; on January 31st, we'll unveil a whole-new look, so don't miss it.
Outlook Portland, Sunday at 6:30am, only on
NW32 TV...the home of
Gossip Girl, Melrose, and Rick Emerson.
NEXT WEEK: We plunge into the future with Outlook Portland
's revamped studio. To celebrate the occasion, I'll be stuck with needles and dressed in pink. Or am I joking?
IN TWO WEEKS: Cort and Fatboy, plus Robert Wagner of PDX.FM.
On the next
Outlook Portland (Sunday at 6:30am, on
NW32 TV), we'll talk about the wondrous magic of radio......and lest anyone think I'm using those words sarcastically, make no mistake: radio is, and will always be, a transcendent piece of innovation; a technological watershed that turned the seemingly-impossible into the readily-available.
Philo T. Farnsworth, of course, took that magic and upped the ante...forever transforming the world -and reinventing popular culture- when, at the age of 21, he invented the television.
On Sunday's episode of
Outlook Portland, we'll discuss a blend of all these things: How Portland culture is served and represented by Portland radio...and how Portland radio is, in turn, depicted by television, specifically, on a new TV show called
Life Unexpected, which takes place at a radio station right here in River City.
Joining us to give their thoughts on the dazzling possibilities of radio will be
Simon and Sam, morning hosts at Portland's own
98.7 KUPL. They'll tell us about their own passion for the medium...how radio captured their imaginations and made an impact on their lives. They'll also discuss changes in the radio industry, and give their own analysis of the all-important "Portland Vibe".
We'll also talk with
Oregonian pop culture reporter
Kristi Turnquist, who will judge the accuracy with which Life Unexpected portrays our fair city.
Outlook Portland, Sunday at 6:30am, only on
NW32 TV...the home of
Gossip Girl, Melrose, and Rick Emerson.
NEXT WEEK: Sarah X. Dylan and Greg Nibler of FunemploymentRadio.com
